The Battle of the Bulge

"And whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, 
as working for the Lord, not for men."  Colossians 3:23

This is how I am approaching my weight-loss / live healthy quest.  Each day I will/I must remember that I am working on this FOR the LORD.   I have learned that whenever I make this more about me feeling good about myself or more about me trying to meet the "world's/men's" standard, the less motivated I am and the more apt I am to find myself defeated.  I mean if I was truly motivated by the desire to look good and feel better, I would have long ago gained and maintained victory in this Battle of the Bulge.

I think using that motivation has been a losing strategy because it is easily overcome by the lie that the temporary satisfaction of tasting that food isn't going to hurt anything; that  I deserve it and why shouldn't I get to eat what I want.  Yes, I want to look good, but I also want to feel good by indulging my taste buds, by indulging my desire.  Both are self-centered motivations - so it is the one that gives me instant gratification which wins out over the thing that demands harder work.  At least that is how it is with me.  And for me because it is all self-centered and/or "for men" (humans, not males, i.e. verse above  I soon find myself defeated.  

This time it is different.  This time I am keeping my eyes on the Lord and learning to "deny self" and listen to the Spirit rather than the Enemy, to obey the will of the Lord rather than the will of my flesh, to "work at it...as working for the Lord."

But I am having to remember to think that way.  Old thought patterns, old ways of behaving aren't easy to overcome.  Truly a battle is being fought.  My flesh and my spirit are at war, and the flesh which has been so accustomed to easy victory in this part of my life is fighting ferociously to regain momentum and victory.  And yes, sometimes my spirit gets weary and gives in to the weariness rather than fight through it, and thus the flesh gains a bit of ground. But by the grace of God, my spirit is willing to listen to the encouragement of her Commander and has quickly regained the will to fight and is pushing back the flesh by the Power of His Might - for His Glory.

Pressing Toward the Goal

11days ago I got serious about glorifying God even in how I eat and drink (1 Cor. 10:31).  I can report 11 straight days of doing just that - or more correctly I should say - "the Lord doing just that in and for me." 

The Lord has been with me bringing to remembrance what I have entrusted to Him when I need reminded.  Yet unlike so often before, I have stopped, listened, and obeyed - submitting to His will and allowing myself to be Spirit-controlled rather than flesh-controlled.  I've been able to look beyond the immediate desire to taste something "good", to satisfy hunger with empty calories, or to comfort myself with food.  Instead I have found satisfaction in pleasing Him as I let Him have dominion over this part of my life too.

Practically speaking, I am trying to not be so attached/driven by what I see the scale doing.  I started going to WW again at the beginning of the year and on May 9th had lost 25.8 pounds.  Then immediately spent 2 weeks making bad food choices and eating plenty of it.  I am sure I gained at least 7 pounds back (believe me, that's easy for me to do).  I was too ashamed to look, however, and avoided my home scale.

On Thursday, May 30th I made my public confession (see blog entry for that day) and commitment to glorify God in how I eat, and I forced myself to go to WW that night (which I usually avoid doing if I haven't behaved well that week).  But I didn't weigh in that night. 

Why?  I know shame and fear of seeing the reality of what I had done were big factors.  I didn't want to deal with the negative emotions/thoughts that would bombard me.  But I also was thinking "it is what it is and it will be moving in the right direction from here on out."  I determined to weigh-in the next week even if my scale showed I hadn't gotten off all I had gained back the two weeks previous.

This past Thursday (June 6) my home scales told me I hadn't returned to 25-pounds off, and I was tempted to not do an official weigh-in that night, but I had committed myself, and so I did weigh in.  Sure enough the WW scale said I had gained 1.2 pounds since my last weigh-in on 5/9/13 for new total loss of 24.6 pounds.  

I thanked God for helping me the past week and acknowledged the fact I was rightly still reaping the consequences of what I had sown, though God's grace had greatly mitigated them.  I determined to just keep myself submissive and remain faithful to my commitment to eat to God's glory.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

When I lost weight in 2008-2009, I envisioned myself on a track field making my race around the circle.  Every 10 pounds was a 10th of the track (my goal was to lose 100 pounds in one year).  I used that imagery to motivate me throughout that year.  

This time, I am not in a timed race.  Instead, I am on a long journey with a fixed destination in mind, but I am not racing against a time clock.  The goal is to make daily/weekly forward progress.  The scale may move only slightly, but I will not be discouraged, I will just keep walking forward faithfully - pressing toward the goal. 

God has a prize waiting for me:

 better health, more energy, and greater service in Christ 

living for His glory.

Transformation

I am pleased to report that by the power of Christ who strengthened me, I walked the walk I've been talking through the weekend - always a challenging time for me.  

It is so easy to start mindlessly eating - to munch on munchies.  I recall last night I came in from church hungry.  Without thinking, I opened the pantry and picked up a bag of Chex Mix and took a few pieces and popped them in my mouth.  As I chewed those few pieces, I heard the Voice of Truth reminding me that I was making a poor choice - no nutritional value for my God-created body and very high in detriment potential.  , . And what I did differently last night was listen immediately to the Voice of Truth and put back the Chex Mix immediately. Victory. . . Victory in Jesus.  

I have collected some Bible verses that speak directly about health, the body, or eating as well as other verses that I think I can use to teach me how to think Biblically regarding my health, my body, and my eating habits.  Last time I reflected on Romans 12:1; today I am dealing with Romans 12:2.  

Romans 12:2  "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

I am not to be conformed to this world -- that means 2 things in regard to my weight and health:  1)  I must not believe and act on the lie of this world that says my value is related to my outward appearance.   Being thin and healthy will not make me more valuable or worthy.  It may make me more useful, but not more valuable.  2)  I should not be like this "American" world where obesity and unhealthy lifestyle is the "norm".   That is not God's best for me! 

I am to be transformed by the renewing of my mind -- again that means 2 things in regard to my weight and health:  1)  Since I am at present like the overweight, unhealthy American world.  I need to be changed, made into something different--something better!  2)  That is only going happen if and when I begin to renew my mind.  Oh how much I know from experience this is true! It is all about my mind.  If I don't renew-- rebuild--my thinking, my mind, then I won't be transformed.   I'll just keep on doing and keep on being the same "world-conformed" person I am.     

And this renewing of my mind must be done by consciously learning, believing, and trusting God's word and will regarding this integral part of life.  It is not merely a matter of learning the facts about nutrition and healthy habits.  Been there, done that...and found it is only a temporary fix.  What I want and need is a complete, total transformation and that's only going to happen as I daily trust God with this part of my life.

Then as I renew my mind and am transformed, I will do MUCH more than lose weight and feel great--I will demonstrate that God's will is good, and acceptable, and perfect.  

In other words, I will be  

Living for His Glory.

Does God care what I weigh?

Does God care what I weigh? Does it really matter to Him what I eat, how much, and how often?  

O how much I have tried to not even ask those questions!  But when I did actually contemplate it, I was quickly comforted by the answer, "No. God doesn't look at outward appearances, but at the heart." - (I Samuel 16:7) His words, not mine.  Whew, what a relief!

Because I answered those questions like that, I kept that part of my life (no small part) away from God.  I didn't pray about it because I believed/felt it was too self-centered.  I told myself, I shouldn't because I ought not to use God as a diet-gimmick.  So I just tried to deal with this all on my own - and failed miserably.  

When I lost weight in 2008-09, I gave God glory and praise as the weight began coming off.  I marveled at how quickly my body healed and was strengthened - this marvelous creation of God.  But I was not consciously relying on God's strength to accomplish weight loss or make the life-style changes necessary.  It was me and Weight Watchers.  When I reached my goal weight, I publicly and privately thanked and praised God for the blessing of a well-functioning body and the grace to enjoy it again despite how I had abused my body for years. 

Then very quickly the weight began to creep back on.  

          No, let me try again and be more honest:   Then very quickly I started making poor eating/food choices and, naturally, I gained weight. 

What I have learned through this is the correct/true answer to the above questions is "Yes" - MY weight, what and how much I eat does matter to God.  And I know for ME this truly is a matter of faith and obedience.  It is wrong to keep God out of this one area of my life - especially since it is so destructive to me.  So I have decided to no longer keep Him locked out of this part of my life.  I have never attempted to lose weight as an act of submissive obedience to His will, but that is exactly what God is bidding me to do.

Yes, the Lord did say that He doesn't look at outward appearance but at the heart, but He also said, "by their fruits you shall know them" (Matt. 7:16).  As much as I have tried to deny it, my body does reveal that I haven't lived in submission to God's will regarding how I relate to the gift of food.  Contemplating that truth puts a new spin on some familiar scriptures.  Here's how I see Romans 12:1 relating to this topic.

Romans 12:1, "I beseech ye therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your 

bodies a living sacrifice, holy,  acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 

Message to me:  I am commanded to present my body to God as a living and holy sacrifice.  

1. Living:  It is my responsibility to care for my body so that it LIVES.   If I know that the choices I make for my body are destructive, deadly, then I am guilty of disrespecting one of the greatest gifts God has given me--an amazing, human body. 
2. Holy:  "Set apart for God's use; dedicated to God".  God has made me holy in Christ Jesus. . . that includes my body.  It is now set apart, dedicated to God.  I do not want to profane what is holy, for that is a fearful and presumptuous thing. 
3. Acceptable to God:   Not all sacrifices are acceptable to God--under the Law the body-sacrifices had to be healthy, whole, and without blemish.   Is that what I present to God when I present Him my body?  Or am I giving him a defiled offering? 
4. Reasonable:  This is not too much or unreasonable for God to demand.  It is logical that even my body is to be offered to him; He created me with soul and body, why should it surprise me that He is concerned with how I use and treat my body?    
5. Service:  The Greek word translated "service" means "service to God" and is often translated as "worship" (bow before)   I serve, I worship, I bow before God when I take care of my body so that it can be presented to him for his use as a LIVING, HOLY, and ACCEPTABLE sacrifice.     

So for me taking the time and making the effort to lose weight and become healthy and fit is not vain or self-centered - it not just "all about me" -- It's about HIM, too.  It's about Him mostly! And for me, understanding THAT makes the work and effort itself holy and reasonable. 

And in this way I also shall Live for His Glory.

Why I am doing the "blogging" thing -

Okay...I admit this first - I AM TERRIFIED...terrified to post this.  Not sure I even should.  I feel like I'll have exposed myself quite a bit.  I'm afraid of the negative judgments I might incite.  Yet perhaps some of you will want to read what I have to say...perhaps some of you can help me.  Maybe my words will help some of you.  So here goes...

 Last night as I taught Ladies Bible Class at Rolling Hills Church of Christ in Mt. Sterling, KY - I made a public admission/confession of my shame at having gained nearly all the 121 pounds I lost during from Jan 2008 through July 2009.  I brought it up because not to do so in the context of our lesson would have been untruthful, and since I am using Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, as a springboard for our lessons this summer, I thought I better be perfectly honest with myself and my sisters in Christ.  The lie we were dealing with was "God's Ways are Too Restrictive."  The example (from a letter DeMoss received from 'Sarah') who expressed the idea that she had believed she should be able to eat "whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, and in whatever quantities I wanted because I felt punished by saying no."

The lie we discussed the week before also smacked me in the face in regard to my eating patterns: the lie "God is not enough."  Last week I refused to confess how my eating habits/relationship with food might indeed reflect that lie, but I just couldn't do it again this week.  So last night I did admit to myself and to the sweet sisters that how I relate to food/eating is evidence of some lies I believe and that I have been living under bondage to the tyranny of food because of those lies.

Why I feel shame is because I know that the weight loss and restoration of health back in 2009 was God's good and beautiful gift to me.  Losing weight and getting active was EASY back then.  It never once felt hard. I never once felt deprived.  God blessed me with that  - a wonderful, wonderful gift.   And I did give God glory for doing that work in me.

But as soon as I stopped consciously thinking about every food choice/bite, the weight started creeping back.  Then I just abandoned all I had learned, the new life I had created and returned to my old ways - and guess where that took me - right back to where I had started!  So I just threw away His gift to me.  I obviously counted it but rubbish, and of that I am greatly ashamed.

Yet I know that Jesus said, "Know the truth and the truth will set you free."

So I am going to stop listening to and believing lies and trust in The Truth I know and be set me free.

I hereby pledge to be honest with myself, with God, and with this blog journal (and any of its readers) as I begin this moment to reject the lies that bind me and live the Truth so that whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, I do it ALL for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)

That's what I want my life to be all about - Living for His glory!