Okay...I admit this first - I AM TERRIFIED...terrified to post this. Not sure I even should. I feel like I'll have exposed myself quite a bit. I'm afraid of the negative judgments I might incite. Yet perhaps some of you will want to read what I have to say...perhaps some of you can help me. Maybe my words will help some of you. So here goes...
Last night as I taught Ladies Bible Class at Rolling Hills Church of Christ in Mt. Sterling, KY - I made a public admission/confession of my shame at having gained nearly all the 121 pounds I lost during from Jan 2008 through July 2009. I brought it up because not to do so in the context of our lesson would have been untruthful, and since I am using Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, as a springboard for our lessons this summer, I thought I better be perfectly honest with myself and my sisters in Christ. The lie we were dealing with was "God's Ways are Too Restrictive." The example (from a letter DeMoss received from 'Sarah') who expressed the idea that she had believed she should be able to eat "whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, and in whatever quantities I wanted because I felt punished by saying no."
The lie we discussed the week before also smacked me in the face in regard to my eating patterns: the lie "God is not enough." Last week I refused to confess how my eating habits/relationship with food might indeed reflect that lie, but I just couldn't do it again this week. So last night I did admit to myself and to the sweet sisters that how I relate to food/eating is evidence of some lies I believe and that I have been living under bondage to the tyranny of food because of those lies.
Why I feel shame is because I know that the weight loss and restoration
of health back in 2009 was God's good and beautiful gift to me. Losing weight and getting active was EASY back then. It never once felt hard. I never once felt deprived. God blessed me with that - a wonderful,
wonderful gift. And I did give God glory for doing that work in me.
But as
soon as I stopped consciously thinking about every food choice/bite,
the weight started creeping back. Then I just abandoned all I had
learned, the new life I had created and returned to my old ways - and
guess where that took me - right back to where I had started! So I just threw away His gift to me. I obviously counted it but rubbish, and of that I am greatly ashamed.
Yet I know that Jesus said, "Know the truth and the truth will set you free."
So I am going to stop listening to and believing lies and trust in The Truth I know and be set me free.
I hereby pledge to be honest with myself, with God, and with this blog journal (and any of its readers) as I begin this moment to reject the lies that bind me and live the Truth so that whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, I do it ALL for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)
That's what I want my life to be all about - Living for His glory!
